Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

The Silent Struggle

on September 23, 2012

The question, “How are you?” has never been a more difficult one to answer than it has in the last year. I can’t be honest. If I am, I risk making others uncomfortable, and chances are their attempts to comfort me will produce the opposite result. I have to fake a smile, make small talk, and turn the conversation to some innocuous and generic topic.

What I really want to say:
-I thought this was the month, but I failed again.
-My temperature spiked and I can hardly contain my excitement.
-I started acupuncture and I seem to have found new hope.
-I’m running out of options/patience/emotional strength.
-I’m ovulating tomorrow and can’t wait to pounce on my husband tonight.
-I’m having a hard time coping with my friend’s new pregnancy.
-Look at my chart! It looks triphasic, right?!
-I think I saw a squinter this morning! Wanna see the pic on my phone?
-I just suffered an early miscarriage. I’m devastated.
-I just ordered 50 OPKs and 20 HPTs online. This WILL be the month!
I guess I could discuss work, our recent home remodel, the dogs, or an upcoming vacation, but all I want to talk about is my relentless, obsessive attempt to get (and stay) pregnant. I’m fortunate to have found Scrambled and  one or two other ladies who understand (and of course my loving husband,)  but beyond these wonderful supporters, I’m left to struggle in silence.
Why is it okay to boast about promotions, proposals, and pregnancies? Why is it so easy to support a friend during the loss of a loved one, through a bad breakup, or attend AA meetings with a recovering friend? Yet it is so hard to find and accept support during the roller coaster that is trying to conceive. I wish there was less shame and secrecy. I wish there was more open, comfortable conversation. I wish we didn’t feel so alone during the one time in our lives when we really need to feel surrounded and understood.
I’m tempted to log on to vistaprint.com and make a custom magnet for my car that reads, “I’m struggling to get pregnant and I want to talk about it!” I’ve heard they have great prices 🙂 “Hi. My name is SunnySide and I’m struggling to conceive.”
Perhaps we can find a way to campaign for open dialogue. Any ideas? Don’t leave me hanging!
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5 responses to “The Silent Struggle

  1. This says everything I wish I could say! I felt totally alone until I found this blog site, this small way to connect with others has helped tremendously!

    • SunnySide says:

      I’m so glad you’ve found us as well! You remind us we’re not crazy. For a while, Scrambled and I believed we were all alone in TTC hell, but we’re quickly realizing that’s not the case. It feels good to get it out, doesn’t it?

  2. […] a previous post, Sunnyside talked about the silent struggle of trying to conceive – when month after month you are consumed with details and symptoms; […]

  3. […] previously talked about the Silent Struggle, and questioned why it has to be such a secret; why it’s ok to publicly mourn the death of a […]

  4. […] ok with it, though.  As much as I don’t want the struggle to be silent anymore, and as much as I hate feeling like I have to hide this from people, I’ve recently […]

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