Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

Guest Post from IVFMale: Losing the child that never existed

on October 13, 2012
We have already made so many friends and been touched by readers’ stories of loss, hope and miracles.  We asked IVFmale to be a guest blogger during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, as he has a very unique perspective.  Here is his story:
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and the two lovely ladies at Two Good Eggs requested a guest post talking about our unsuccessful IVF attempt. I’m honored they asked me and it got me thinking…what have I lost?

I never watched a child be born only to lose it as an infant. I haven’t heard it’s heartbeat only to suffer a miscarriage. To be perfectly honest, I’m not grieving the loss of the embryos any more than I would grieve the loss of my sperm wasted in a cup, only to be counted and discarded. It may sound cold, but I couldn’t look at them as anything more than potential life, until one of them implanted. Yet, I’m still grieving the loss of our unsuccessful cycle. Why?

I’m grieving the loss of the child I always pictured in my future. A child I could see my wife and myself in his or her features. Watching its first steps. Hearing it call me Dad. Guiding it through the struggles of life. Teaching it to swing, play sports, write its name. Helping my kid with math homework. Annoying friends on Facebook with stories of my kid. All these hopes I had during the process of our IVF cycle, lost with a negative test result.

I can only imagine the pain of those who suffered a miscarriage or lost an infant child. But we should not trivialize the loss felt by an unsuccessful IVF cycle simply because the pregnancy never actually took place. The loss is still very real.

Who knows how many times in nature an embryo never implants and dies. It might be more common than we realize, but it’s all hidden away from view. Completely unknown. With IVF you know fertilization took place and there is an embryo or two in the womb. You hope they implant, but you can’t help to start thinking of your future child. It’s for that nameless future child we very much grieve.

We love you, and we’re sorry you couldn’t be in our lives.


Be sure to follow IVFmale on his journey over at his blog, too.

2 responses to “Guest Post from IVFMale: Losing the child that never existed

  1. ivfmale says:

    Reblogged this on IVF male and commented:
    My guest post for the lovely ladies at Two Good Eggs.

  2. […] – we realize this is ironic since he just guest-blogged for us last week, but we assure you the drawing was completely […]

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