Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

Sh*t’s about to get real: pre-IVF wiggage

on October 16, 2012

This is what I thought IVF looked like:

Ok – not really.  But I never really thought about the fact that DH and I would actually have to be an integral, physical part of the process leading up to this:

With mommy and daddy no where in sight, that is IVF from the doctor’s perspective.  You can imagine my shock when I realized that this is what IVF actually looks like from mommy’s perspective (and this is just for one month):

Today, I go in for my baseline ultrasound and mock-transfer (to make sure my plumbing will cooperate when they do the real deal in a couple of weeks).  Then, on Sunday night, while away on a business trip in another state (and without my husband), I get to start giving myself belly injections every night.  I thought I could handle this.  I thought this would be no big deal.

Now, I’m starting to wig a little.

Not about the pain (though that is definitely on my mind).  But about the reality of what we’re about to do.

We already have a healthy 4-year old.  Are we rocking his world with this?

We didn’t have to do IVF with him.  Should we reconsider this?

What if they mix up the embryos post-genetic screening and we don’t transfer a healthy one?

What if a year of trying with no luck (and 3 losses) is  a sign that we shouldn’t have another child?

Our doctor has told us why he thinks we’re having issues with a sticky bean, and if he’s right, IVF should rule any of those issues out.  So, in his mind, it’s a healthier, more promising result than if we tried to do this on our own for another indefinite period of time.

Why do we have so much trouble trusting?  Trusting our instincts, our doctors, the experts, God.

I’m a control freak by nature.   It’s hard for me to put my trust in others and turn this over to those who know better.   I’m trying to have faith in the doctors, in God, in the process.  But I’m wigging a little.

Did any of you ask yourself the same questions and struggle with your decision at all?  What helped you trust, and let go?

I haven’t even told my family we’re about to embark on this journey.  Over the past 12 months of TTC, I have spared the details because I didn’t feel like fielding the “how’s it going this month” questions, or the relentless advice.  And I didn’t have it in me to comfort them about the loss that I was experiencing.  Now, it feels wrong not to let them know what we’re about to go through – but it also feels abrupt to just spring it on them.  I’m not sure what to do…  I’m tempted to try Round 1 and see what happens, and open up to them after we know the results (around Thanksgiving).  What would you do?

13 responses to “Sh*t’s about to get real: pre-IVF wiggage

  1. ivfmale says:

    At first we stayed silent. But we felt the need to share our struggle so we slowly expanded the group of people in on our journey. Asking everyone to please not spread the word about so we could break the news directly, instead of them hearing it second hand. This worked pretty well and allowed us to gain confidence in letting others in on our struggle.

    In the end, we found it very supportive and a big help. But you do open yourself up to insensitive comments by those “Ants” who just don’t know better. And like with anything else, if you get 99 positive comments and 1 negative one. You can’t help but focus on the negative one. Seems to be human nature.

    Anyway. It’s a personal decision that has rewards and risks like anything else. Good luck on finding the one that is right for you.

    • Scrambled says:

      Thanks… you’re very right. I feel comforted by the few people who know and “get it”. But, the few people who know and say the ridiculous things are enough to have made me wait to tell anyone else.

  2. I am going through the what if this is a sign that i really shouldn’t be a mom question. I have lost 6 babies with the last two babies taking away both of my tubes, and my first ivf was canceled due to my body not reacting enough. We are going to do IVF again in Dec/Jan because we don’t want to have any regrets when we look back and ask did we do everything we could to have a child.
    I let everyone know with my friends and family and with mine everyone really seemed indifferent about the news and with the IVF I don’t receive in any phone calls or texts well support i guess during IVF. I pray yours is more supportive of your IVF if yall decide to let them know. I wish yall loads of luck on your upcoming IVF.

  3. Georgette says:

    Imma just tell you… tell yourself the first IVF won’t work. It’s a process and it may need to be tweaked– do not set yourself up for complete devastation if it doesn’t work the first time. The shots will quickly become “no big deal”. Focus on the end result– you will have another baby! What, may I ask, did the doctor say were the issues IVF would resolve? I’m curious 🙂

    • Scrambled says:

      Great advice. We’ve timed this purposefully so that we have a chance at two rounds before the end of the year when my insurance may change, because I know the first round isn’t always successful. I am trying to protect my emotions and not be disappointed if it doesn’t take. My doctor said that most chemical pregnancies that abort before 8 weeks are due to chromosomal abnormalities. He said this is common in all pregnancies, but it increases with mother’s age. He believes that because I’ve had one full-term pregnancy my chances are strong. But, he believes that the three miscarriages I’ve had in the past 6 months are due to chromosomal issues. PGS testing as part of the IVF process will rule out any chromosomally abnormal embryos (that will most likely abort themselves by not sticking as they’ve done naturally already), and allow us to isolate the ones that are chromosomally normal, increasing our chances of a sticky bean. IUI doesn’t allow this opportunity. Plus, I’m obviously ovulating on my own and DH’s sperm is off the charts great, which means IUI isn’t as helpful to us as it would be to someone who isn’t ovulating or whose SA came back questionable. That’s why he’s pushing for IVF right out of the gate.

      • Georgette says:

        Two thoughts. One, 3 miscarriages could be chrom abnormality, or it could be an immune-related implantation disorder, which won’t be avoided with IVF. Read the FAQ on my blog for more info– 99% of REs are abysmally ignorant of immunological infertility and you have to educate yourself and push for the correct testing. If you do the testing now, you can get the results before the first IVF and avoid wasting embryos.

        Second, I wholly agree with the IUI is useless thread of thought. Definitely grow your embryos out to blast and that will be a big help too.

        Email me if you want more info on immunology.

      • Scrambled says:

        Thanks, Georgette! I go back in on Thursday for some more bloodwork, so I’ll inquire about the immune deficiency, as well. I’ll let you know what he says!! Also, they are definitely growing them out to blast stage.

  4. Giggles says:

    We didn’t tell anyone the first year when we were trying on our own. We didn’t tell people until about six months in to working with a doctor. And then we started with our parents first. Then our siblings. Then I had surgery for endometriosis. Part of our reason for telling those we did was because we believe in the power of prayer and thought it would be better if our family knew specifically what to pray for.

    I told a few (count them on one hand) friends when we started IVF. I picked them because I knew they’d had their own infertility struggles and could help cover for me when I had to miss activities because of doctor appointments or had to step out to give myself a shot. And I knew they knew enough to not say anything stupid.

    The amazing thing was that opening up to parents, siblings, and those close friends allowed them to open up even more about their own fertility struggles. Bonding over miscarriages or anguished waiting is not exactly the type of bonding you go out looking for, but it’s been incredibly supportive. And having hand picked who knows has kept the “just relax” or “so-and-so did this” comments to practically none.

    Some day I hope to be more open about it with those who I actually interact with in real life so that I can be as supportive of those others around me who may be struggling silently. But I know I’m not there yet.

    The thing I wigged out the most about was knowing that our embryos were growing in a lab and not home with us. It was like I had abandoned them to a petri dish.

    • Scrambled says:

      You nailed it. I’m feeling the urge to tell my mom, but every time I try to do so, the opportunity feels forced. I may try to talk to her this weekend and fill her in before the full-on process of shooting up starts. DH is wigging a little more than me about the petry dish aspect of it. It isn’t bothering me as much, since I know they’ll only be in there for about a week before they’re inside of me and, HOPEFULLY, sticking. It’s amazing the amount of emotion and stress that goes along with this, beyond just the anxiety of a complicated procedure. So many emotional and ethical questions.

  5. Leighann says:

    Hi, just finding your blog. After all of the horror stories of unsupportive families and friends, I was pleasantly surprised by how great most people are if you let them in. The people who did say ridiculous things generally had good intentions and I think just didn’t know the right thing to say. Good luck with however you decide to handle it.

  6. Just found this blog and I love it!

    I am currently 5 months pregnant after trying for two years. I also had one ectopic pregnancy. We finally moved on to IVF because we were all out of options (IUI, medicated cycles) and thankfully it worked the first time. We had no more money to try second if the first one failed and none of my embryos even made it to freezing. So needless to say this is our miracle baby. 🙂

    I chose not to tell family and friends about our struggles. It was a lonely, two years but I knew people just couldn’t understand. Now that people know I’m pregnant and open about our story and everyone is surprised when they find out because I was really good at seeming like everything was just dandy.

    I wish you the best of luck with your IVF and Sunnyside with her IUI. Lots and lots of baby dust!!

    Oh and the belly shots aren’t too bad. It took me a good 5 minutes of jumping around and talking myself down to administer my first one but it gets easier! 🙂

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