Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

Such a Bother, Such a Blessing: The Two Faces of Trying to Conceive

on October 27, 2012

I’m bothered and blessed. And at any given moment, I’m one or the other, but usually the former. Heck when we try and try and don’t get what we want, that’s usually the case, right? I do, however, feel fortunate for what I (we) have experienced. Let’s start with my bitching…shocking. I know 😉

We use a collection if emotionally fueled words and phrases to describe our paths toward conception and through infertility: stress, anxiety, sadness, hope, depression, joy, confusion, defeat, etc. A word I don’t hear that often is “bother,” yet it seems to gently infer many of the things we feel on a daily basis, especially when we’re in limbo somehow. I don’t want to downplay the more extreme emotions because they are all there. Believe me. Bother just seems to be a nice middle ground between content and pissed. 🙂

Since starting to try to conceive, I have been bothered by:
-The cost of pregnancy tests
-The fact that no one wants to talk about it
-Insincere comments
-On demand sex
-Checking CM, ugh
-Prenatal vitamins
-Taking my temperature everyday
-A lack of guarantee or promise
-People who brag about/lament BFPs in front of TTCers
-The number of times I’ve peed on my own hands
-Holding my legs in the air
-Cost of fertility treatments
-Innocent belly bumps while I’m shopping
-Ridiculous suggestions
-My inability to not stress so much
-The cost of acupuncture
-Message boards/forums
-How I feel “bothered” so easily, so often

I can’t just go on a tireless rant, but I wanted to share my “bother list” for a few reasons. 1) It makes me feel better. 2) I want to open up discussion. 3) Most of the things on the list are no big deal and I need to remind myself of that.

On the other hand, I’m extremely grateful for the lessons I’ve learned along the way. Here are a handful of my “blessings in disguise:”

-Enjoy the moment, it could change at any time
-Lean on people who understand (I appreciate you guys!!!)
-Google will put me in a crazy house, i.e. chill out on the research
-Nursery themes and color schemes don’t matter
-Loss and struggle lead to strength and appreciation
-Being in control is not everything, and loss of control doesn’t make me weak
-You can find great friends unexpectedly (I -Not all questions can be answered
-You never know what someone else may be going through, think twice
-Patience (a work in progress)
-I’m not actually alone in all of this
-Anticipation and hope are not foolish, they keep me going

I think back to that BFP in February and realize that baby would have been placed in my arms any day now. Sad, yes, but I’m not sure if I would be the mom I want to be had I not been through this shit storm. Honestly. I hate to admit that I needed to be taught a few lessons, grow up a little more, gain some perspective, and get a grip on reality, but it’s the truth. As frustrated as I am, I’ve learned quite a bit and hope to learn more as we move forward.

Please share a few “bothers” and a few lessons from your journey. Let’s get a little community going here 🙂

Thank you all for your support and contributions!

I love someecards 🙂

10 responses to “Such a Bother, Such a Blessing: The Two Faces of Trying to Conceive

  1. 1suburbanchic says:

    What great perspective!

  2. Megan says:

    I would add to these already amazing lists….
    Bothers: -The amount of time I spend obsessing over my fertility instead of doing things I love
    -How the very nature of TTC requires patience, which I don’t have. It’s like being forced
    to eat a veggie I don’t like before I can have dessert (childish, I know)
    -How my husband gets “tired” of sex. Shouldn’t he be thrilled?

    Lessons: -My husband’s realism and honesty can be a blessing. He never says things just to
    placate me, he says what he means and he means what he says. So when he says,
    “It’s going to be okay, we WILL have a baby”, I believe him.
    -It’s okay to be vulnerable in front of others (and it’s definitely okay to ask for help)
    -Empathy (something I’ve never been very good at)
    -That my family and friends are the most amazing people I could ever hope to know

    And I have to add that this blog has been a blessing, especially the past few days. I cannot say enough how much I appreciate how open and honest you two are about everything!

  3. beedleboop says:

    one of my bothers: doing everything “right” and having no control over the results!
    one of my blessings: learning to love my life now…and not to be constantly waiting for our future family to materialize!

    • SunnySide says:

      Agreed! I’m just now, in the last few weeks, learning how to enjoy life outside of TTC madness. Hence the bottle of red I polished off last night ;)Thank you for adding these two great points!

  4. Courtney says:

    The biggest bother for me was losing myself, and isolating my husband, while TTC #1. I swore I wouldn’t do that this time and I didn’t… So that makes it a blessing too, I suppose.

  5. gardengirl29 says:

    Great post! I especially have to echo Beedleboop about learning to love my life now and not putting my happiness on hold for some future date. This is actually a lesson I’ve been needing to learn for a long time: that life is never perfect, so you need to be the happiest you can be in the moment. 🙂

    Great “bother” list, too- I can identify with pretty much every one of them.

    • SunnySide says:

      “life is never perfect, so you need to be the happiest you can be in the moment.” I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s an evolution, that’s for sure. No quick fix for that one :-)> Thanks so much for your feedback!!

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