Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

My Thanksgiving turkey baster is safe. For now.

on October 30, 2012

I adore Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston.  And I found their movie “The Switch” hilarious.  In case you haven’t seen it, here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

Jennifer and Jason are BFF.  We all know they’re going to end up together, from Scene 1, but that doesn’t take away from the movie’s humor.  For most of the movie, Jen is single and just wants to be a mama before her eggs rot.  She gets a sperm donor, and her hilarious gal pal Juliette Lewis throws her an insemination party.  Donor guy’s jizz is warming on a candle warmer in the bathroom, awaiting Jen’s basting.  Jason gets drunk and spills the jizz in the bathroom sink, and doesn’t want anyone to know.  So he gets his jollies while looking at a picture of Diane Sawyer, and replaces the jizz.  Shhhh!  Of course, baby comes out looking nothing like Donor Dad, and the hilarity ensues.

Jason was unsettled at the thought of her using a turkey baster to get the job done.  It is pretty absurd.  Although, now I can attest that this was not much better:

In my last update, I shared that our IVF path may end up detoured.  Sure enough, my Saturday ultrasound revealed only 3 tiny follicles on the left, and the one decent-sized one on the right, next to Cyrus.  The doc said this was not enough to warrant the pain and cost of IVF, but my estrogen level was high enough not to cancel the cycle altogether.  He switched me to IUI.  Chances are still low – about 15% chance of getting preggers, he said.  But it’s better than canceling the cycle after the expense of all the meds.

So, Saturday night, Sookie Stackhouse shot herself up with Ovidrel.  I had forgotten to take my shot until I was walking out the door to a Halloween party.  So, I lifted my apron, lowered my Merlotte’s booty shorts and got’er done.  So what if I got a little blood on my shirt.  I *am* in love with a vampire, after all.  Two, to be specific.  Mmmm.  Vampire Eric.

I digress.

We were also instructed to get busy on Saturday night, to have some sperm waiting in case I ovulated from the Ovidrel before the IUI – and to clean out my hubby’s pipes so that his IUI sample would be fresh as a daisy on Monday.  We were so tired, and somewhat drunk, after the party – thank goodness for PreSeed!  Wham, Bam, Goodnight Ma’am.

Fast-forward to Monday – my hubs went in at 8am to make his deposit to the Bank of Baby, and I didn’t have to go in til 9:30.

Then, it was my turn.   For the third time in 48 hours, someone other than my husband was trying to get a peek at my hoo-ha.  It’s amazing how quickly we’ll drop our drawers for a complete stranger, isn’t it?

Nurse Amy comes at me with something that had to have come from Edward Scissorhands’ supply closet.

I closed up shop, and tried to jump off the table.  She assured me it wasn’t a needle, but let me tell you.  I thought for sure that thing was going to come out my nose.

After laying on the table and having her try three times to get it into my “slightly mispositioned cervix”, she finally let out a sigh and said, ‘Ah, there we go.”   She then plunged slowly so as to avoid “sperm backwash” (her words, not mine), and then pulled out.

“Ok.  I’m done,” said Nurse Amy.

So I asked, “Was it good for you?”

She laughed and said, “Oh, yeah baby.  I totally hope I just got you pregnant.”

So now, we wait.  We “Two Week Wait” to be exact.  I’ll find out the results just before Thanksgiving.

Good thing my turkey baster is still clean.


9 responses to “My Thanksgiving turkey baster is safe. For now.

  1. ivfmale says:

    It’s good that the cycle still has a chance.
    Fingers crossed.

  2. Courtney says:

    Good luck! I’m so glad you didn’t get cancelled completely!

  3. Scrambled says:

    Thanks, guys! We’ll see. I’m not terribly hopeful, but for some reason, I feel more light-hearted and less grim than I have in a few weeks. We’ll see what happens. Not sure what to do with the next 14 days, though… maybe I’ll write a blog to solicit ideas for my TWW… haha

  4. Good Luck! Sending Baby Dust your way…*fingers crossed*

  5. […] My Thanksgiving turkey baster is safe. For now. Oct […]

  6. Wishing you tons of luck!!

  7. […] apologize for being MIA for a bit.  When we last met, I was awaiting the results of my first IVF cycle.   A bit has happened since […]

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