Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

I Get My “Baby” Fix in Many Ways…

on December 3, 2012
Babies are EVERYWHERE!

Babies are EVERYWHERE!

I do not have a baby yet. Well, I don’t have a human baby. Much to my surprise, my life is actually rich in “baby.” I work at a daycare center and on the weekends I volunteer for a children’s shelter. I attend an average of two baby showers each month, and I can’t get enough of tiny tot birthday parties. Babies are all around me! No, thats a lie. All of it.

However, here is a list of the “baby” things I can enjoy without a baby

Baby carrots with homemade ranch dip
Baby drinks (aka shots) and being hungover for two days
Baby vitamins: I take gummies like a child. There are just some things I prefer not to swallow. Get your mind out of the gutter 😉

It's no coincidence that "gummy" and "yummy" rhyme.

It’s no coincidence that “gummy” and “yummy” rhyme.

A baby laughing: I don’t care who you are, if a baby laughs you can’t help but smile.
Sleeping like a baby: Ambien-induced sleep is preferred.
Being a cry baby during sad movies without the worry of freaking out a kid.
Baby corn: No. Not a chance. Creeps me out.

Okay, fine. This "baby corn" doesn't creep me out.

Okay, fine. This “baby corn” doesn’t creep me out.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside: Perfect for the holidays. Oh, and Santa Baby!
Baby-sized travel toiletries: I can still pretend to travel light. My husband would disagree.
Baby animals: Obsessed. I saw a cute pic of a baby platypus today and quickly added it to my Christmas list.

...and I will name him...Sherman.

…and I will name him…Sherman.

Baby pencils: I can play putt-putt without a stroller and the sharp points are only dangerous if I’ve had a few too many drinks.
The Babysitters Club: I had EVERY book. Man, I miss those girls.

babysitters club book

I’ve got a great idea. Ann needs to write a sequel. I want to know what these chicks are up to now. Is Kristy a lawyer? Is Claudia an escort?

Baby silverware: Addicted to these miniature utensils. Plus, they make gelato last longer.
Baby talk: It’s how I communicate with my dogs. It’s also how I try to get something out of my husband.
Baby soda cans: 8 ounces is plenty because I don’t need to share.
Baby gates: These ingenious restraints keep my dogs out of the kitchen and my cats out of the guest room. DH refers to them as “baby fences” because they don’t have a door. It’s a heated debate at our house.

Well played, Lab Parents, well played.

Well played, Lab Parents, well played.

Baby-sized candy: The superfluous unwrapping slows me down. Sometimes.
Baby wipes: We all love that fresh feeling. Don’t pretend like you don’t know.
Baby Got Back: I can blast it and shake my ass like a fool. We don’t need to talk about the time I split my pants on stage  in a booty shakin’ competition. I retreated quickly. No victory there.

Baby, Baby by Amy Grant: Bonus: there’s a puppy in the video. Double “baby” points.

Dirty Dancing: Unedited. On a Sunday afternoon. Nobody puts baby in a corner.
Baby making practice:  “Brown chicken brown cow.”  (My interpretation of porn music.)

Baby sign language: The “poop” sign made famous in Meet the Fockers is a staple around here.

Ah, classic!

Ah, classic!

Baby boomers: Love my parents and in-laws!
Baby Mama: I could watch that movie for days straight without losing interest.
Baby doll lingerie: Who am I kidding? I don’t wear that crap. Anymore.
Hit Me Baby, One More Time: I refuse to give up on Britney.

britney spears fan club
Celebrity baby names: A great idea list for future pet names.
Ice, Ice Baby: No justification needed.

What “baby” stuff do you enjoy? I’m sure I missed a few good ones!

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5 responses to “I Get My “Baby” Fix in Many Ways…

  1. elliemae29 says:

    Love all the baby references! I have to agree with you on most of them!

  2. oh my gosh I LOVED the Babysitters Club books I would read through one in a day! I always thought that if I worked with babies (like in a daycare or church nursery) I could just it out of my system and move on. But I’m just not sure, my clock is Tick Tock-ing loudly!

  3. Megan says:

    Love this! However, I was less into Babysitter’s Club and more into Boxcar Children. Also, the name for your bitty platypus is fantastic. I tried to convince my husband that if we ever have a son, we should name him Sherman, but to no avail. If I ever get a dog, that’s what he’ll be called (preferably a dachshund).

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