Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

Funny – I thought every week was Infertility Awareness Week

While I’m painfully aware every week – or rather, every DAY – of my infertility issues, this week is officially Infertility Awareness Week.

I had this grandiose plan to reveal my true identity during Infertility Awareness Week.  To lift the veil on the issue and stop lurking about, crying in my office, into my pillow and in my car when no one could see me.

I was going to share my blog with my friends and family who aren’t already in the Circle of Trust – opening my heart and hopefully, their eyes, to the pain and frustration of this.

Yeah.  Not gonna happen.

I’m ok with it, though.  As much as I don’t want the struggle to be silent anymore, and as much as I hate feeling like I have to hide this from people, I’ve recently come to terms with it.  As I mentioned before, it’s not about talking about it in general.  It’s about talking to the right people about it.  Opening up to people who don’t get it or to well-meaning people who say all the wrong things is just as painful and unhelpful as holding it all in.

So, if you are open to all of those around you about your infertility, I applaud you.  From the bottom of my heart, I am proud of you and support you and hope that it is the release that you need.  But, if you are like me and can only open up to a small number of people, I want you to know you’re not alone, and it’s ok.  You’re not hiding from your problem.  It’s ok.

And you always have the Eggs to turn to.  We’ll always listen, comfort, scream, laugh, cry with you.

But, I do support the cause – and want more folks to be aware of infertility facts, in general.  Because the more folks who are aware, the easier it will be for me to come out of my bathroom and tell my story.

If you want to learn more about Infertility Awareness Week, check out the folks at Resolve.org and even learn how you can help.

 

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[Article Recc] How not to say the wrong thing

Sharing from the LA Times – and it’s brilliant.  I am going to begin sharing this with people who want to help me, but can’t seem to find an appropriate way to do so.  THIS is a resource for everyone.

How not to say the wrong thing

It works in all kinds of crises – medical, legal, even existential. It’s the ‘Ring Theory’ of kvetching. The first rule is comfort in, dump out.

The rules of kvetching(Illustration by Wes Bausmith / Los Angeles Times)
Susan Silk and Barry Goldman

When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks, but our favorite came from one of Susan’s colleagues. She wanted, she needed, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn’t feel like having visitors, and she said so. Her colleague’s response? “This isn’t just about you.”

“It’s not?” Susan wondered. “My breast cancer is not about me? It’s about you?”

The same theme came up again when our friend Katie had a brain aneurysm. She was in intensive care for a long time and finally got out and into a step-down unit. She was no longer covered with tubes and lines and monitors, but she was still in rough shape. A friend came and saw her and then stepped into the hall with Katie’s husband, Pat. “I wasn’t prepared for this,” she told him. “I don’t know if I can handle it.”

This woman loves Katie, and she said what she did because the sight of Katie in this condition moved her so deeply. But it was the wrong thing to say. And it was wrong in the same way Susan’s colleague’s remark was wrong.

Susan has since developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie’s aneurysm, that’s Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie’s aneurysm, that was Katie’s husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order. One of Susan’s patients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator.

Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don’t need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, “I’m sorry” or “This must really be hard for you” or “Can I bring you a pot roast?” Don’t say, “You should hear what happened to me” or “Here’s what I would do if I were you.” And don’t say, “This is really bringing me down.”

If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that’s fine. It’s a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

There was nothing wrong with Katie’s friend saying she was not prepared for how horrible Katie looked, or even that she didn’t think she could handle it. The mistake was that she said those things to Pat. She dumped IN.

Complaining to someone in a smaller ring than yours doesn’t do either of you any good. On the other hand, being supportive to her principal caregiver may be the best thing you can do for the patient.

Most of us know this. Almost nobody would complain to the patient about how rotten she looks. Almost no one would say that looking at her makes them think of the fragility of life and their own closeness to death. In other words, we know enough not to dump into the center ring. Ring Theory merely expands that intuition and makes it more concrete: Don’t just avoid dumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own.

Remember, you can say whatever you want if you just wait until you’re talking to someone in a larger ring than yours.

And don’t worry. You’ll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.

Susan Silk is a clinical psychologist. Barry Goldman is an arbitrator and mediator and the author of “The Science of Settlement: Ideas for Negotiators.”

Sharing via the LA Times.

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IVF pioneer Robert Edwards dead at 87 [copied from USA Today]

The Nobel prizewinner’s in vitro fertilization research led to the first test tube baby.

LONDON — Robert Edwards, a Nobel prizewinner from Britain whose pioneering in vitro fertilization research led to the first test tube baby and has since brought millions of people into the world, died Wednesday at age 87.

The University of Cambridge, where he was a professor, said Edwards passed away peacefully in his sleep at his home just outside Cambridge.

Together with Dr. Patrick Steptoe, Edwards developed in vitro fertilization, or IVF, which resulted in the birth in 1978 of the world’s first test tube baby, Louise Brown. At the time, the two were accused of playing God and interfering with nature.

Since then, more than 4 million babies have been born using the technique, which creates embryos in the laboratory before transferring them into a woman.

“(Edwards) was an extraordinary scientist,” said Dr. Peter Braude, emeritus professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Kings College London, who was at Cambridge when Edwards and Steptoe were developing IVF.

“There was such hysteria around the kind of work he was doing,” Braude said, noting that Edwards stopped his research for two years after he published details on how he had created embryos in the laboratory. “He wanted to work out what the right thing to do was, whether he should continue or whether he was out on a limb,” Braude said.

Braude said that Edwards collected donor eggs from Oldham, where Steptoe worked. Edwards then put them into test tubes which he strapped to his legs to keep them warm before catching the train to Cambridge, where he would attempt to fertilize them in the laboratory.

After Brown was born, Braude recalled a celebration at Cambridge, where scientists toasted Edwards and Steptoe’s achievement by drinking champagne out of plastic cups.

Braude said public opinion has evolved considerably since then.

“I think people now understand that (Edwards) only had the best motivation,” he said. “There are few biologists that have done something so practical and made a huge difference for the entire world.”

In 2010, Edwards was awarded the Nobel prize in medicine for the development of IVF. Steptoe had already passed away; the Nobel prizes are not awarded posthumously. The Roman Catholic Church denounced the award, arguing that human life should only begin through intercourse and not artificially. The Vatican said Edwards “bore a moral responsibility for all subsequent developments in assisted reproduction technology and for all abuses made possible by IVF.”

In 2011, Edwards was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II “for services to human reproductive biology.”

Other scientists called Edwards a visionary who forever changed the lives of people helped by IVF and the medical community.

“(Edwards’) inspirational work in the early 60s led to a breakthrough that has enhanced the lives of millions of people worldwide,” said Mike Macnamee, chief executive of the IVF clinic that Edwards and Steptoe co-founded, in a statement. “It was a privilege to work with him and his passing is a great loss to us all.”

Copyright 2012 The Associated Press and copied from USA Today.

THANK YOU to Dr. Edwards.  Though IVF has not worked for us yet, I know his work has helped many miracles happen and allowed many dreams to come true.  Hopefully one day his work will introduce me to my second little miracle.

How as Dr. Edwards’ work helped you?

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It’s Sunnyside’s Birthday, y’all!!!

Y’all – show some birthday love to my girl, Sunnyside!

Sunnyside is one of THE:

people I’ve ever met.

I honestly think that my personal TTC journey and detours were part of a larger plan to introduce me to this wonderful woman and insert her permanently into my life.

Happy Birthday, Sunnyside.  I love you, girl!

goodeggbday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you could describe Sunnyside in ONE word, what would it be?

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Liebster Nominations, Baby!!!

liebster blog award

So, punctuality is clearly not one of our strong suits.   I mean, who has time to think of anything else when you’re temping, charting, checking fluid, and peeing on OPKs!

Well, WE have time.  Especially since we’ve both decided to kick off 2013 with a new outlook on PTC (formerly known as TTC).   So, without further ado, we want to extend a big fat THANK YOU to the many bloggers who nominated us for a Liebster Award:

IVFMale, CMDCupcake, Erin, and MyBrokenOven! There are links to each of their blogs below. Please check them out!

We are touched beyond words that you read our crazy antics and don’t log off when you see just how unstable we are.  AND – that you wanted to know even more about us!  Whaaaaat?   You guys are too much!   And, thank you for giving us something else to think about for a little while (and for reminding us that there is more to each of us than our empty wombs and bad eggs).  So, much love to you all!  And, below you will find the answers to all of your questions!

And, we certainly plan to pay it forward.  After our answers you will find our list of  Liebster nominations, and the questions we’re dying to have answered!

Love and double lines,

The Eggs

About the Liebster Award: This award is intended for bloggers with less than 200 followers. In order to accept your nomination, you must answer 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you, and then create 11 questions of your own for your 11 nominees to answer. It’s all about paying it forward and encouraging your favorite bloggers to continue writing.

Questions from: Cmdcupcake

When did you start your blog & why?

We started our blog in September 2012 because we were in search of similar minds and experiences. We met on a message board on a TTC forum and developed an instant connection. On that message board, we both were beginning to feel somewhat disconnected and discomforted through our struggles on the boards.  So, we thought blogging would not only serve a cathartic purpose for us personally, but would introduce us to a supportive community.   A community where we could not only get the support we were seeking, but we could offer some support to others like us.  And, we were right!

When was your “a-ha” moment on your fertility journey where you decided to get serious?

SS: About six months after my miscarriage and repeated failed attempts at natural conception. I began temping, charting, and acupuncture at that time.  I also swallowed my pride and read my first “fertility/infertility” book.

Scrambled:  About 4 months into the process.  I already have one child (age 4).  We had a little trouble conceiving him due to my irregular cycles.  But, once I read TCOYF and charted my temps and fluid ONE MONTH, I got pregnant – because I pinpointed my late ovulation.  This time around, I totally thought, “I got this.”  So, we waited until we were ready to have another one; when our son was at that “perfect age” for a sibling.  Little did we know it would take us going on two years this time around.  About 4 months after we began TTC #2, I had already experienced a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage (which left me in the hospital on Good Friday confirming a miscarriage).  At that moment, I realized this is harder this time around.  I’m older.  My body is jacked.  We’re going to have to get help.

If you could start from the beginning, would you change anything during your TTC journey? If so, what?

SS: Yes! I would have started charting much earlier and would have reached out to a fertility specialist sooner.

Scrambled:  Not really this time around.  I was already charting, temping, checking fluids, taking supplements.  Regardless of your drive, most doctors won’t allow you to pursue infertility treatment until you’ve been TTC for X months.  In my case this time, it was 6 months.  That’s when we started the IVF classes, etc.

Favorite coffee drink?

SS: the kind with caffeine. Haha! I’m a hazelnut and Splenda addict.

Scrambled: Ditto SS!!   My go-to is “grande skinny Caramel Macchiato with two splendas”

Pets? Tell me about them.

SS: oh, yes. Dogs: Kaili, Kona, and Blue. All large breeds mix rescues and the loves of my life. Also, two cats, Colbie and Karma. We had a third cat, Grandma, but she decided she liked our neighbor more and ditched us. Beeotch kitty.

Scrambled:  One dog.  A beagled named Scout.  She has been with me since she was 6 weeks old – and she’s almost 15 now.  I know her time with us is becoming limited, and it breaks my heart to think of her gone because my son is at the perfect age to love and annoy her all at once.  He has requested a little couch for her so she can sleep in his room J

What’s one thing that not a lot of people, if any, in the real world know about you? (Don’t worry, cyberspace is safe)

SS: I have anxiety (diagnosed, not just perceived.)

Scrambled:  I have shark teeth.  Like, in my mouth, not on a necklace.  My front 5 teeth have a tiny second row of teeth behind them.  You can’t see them, and they serve no purpose.  But I can feel them with my tongue.  If asked, I will let you touch them.  I can tear up a steak.  😀

What is one piece of wisdom you can give to someone who is in your current situation? Whether that is as a mom, a wife, a TTCer, etc?

SS: Don’t lose hope and try to talk about it with someone other than your partner who truly understands.

Scrambled:   Don’t let it define you.  Find ways to cope outside of trying to “fix” your situation.

Celebrity Crush??

SS: Three-way tie: Will Smith, Tiger Woods, and Chelsea Handler.

Scrambled:  Oh man.  Matt.  Damon.   Sigh.   Yes.  Matt Damon.  And, rounding out the Top 3:  James Badge Dale and Zac Efron (I’m a cradle robber)

One thing you love & hate about winter?

SS: Hate: the cold. Love: Christmas music. It’s all I play for a month straight.  My poor husband…

Scrambled:   Love Christmas.  And being able to hide the fat better 🙂    I hate that it gets dark so early.

Favorite holiday/s & why?

SS: Halloween. It’s a chance to escape from reality and be goofy.

Scrambled:  Halloween and Christmas.  I love dressing up and being silly, and I love throwing parties.  Both holidays enable lots of festive activities.

Will you follow and support these other fine bloggers listed?

SS: Abso-fricken-lutely!

Scrambled:  Of course!

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Questions from: Ivfmale  (duplicate questions omitted if previously answered)

Describe one feature you wish WordPress had that it doesn’t.

SS: an “I want your autograph” button. There are some amazing bloggers out there who are destined to make it big, and I’d love to get my hands on those soon-to-be famous John Hancocks.

Scrambled:  I like SS’s answer J   I wish it was a little more intuitive and user-friendly.  It seems very manual at the moment.

What quality about yourself are you most proud of?

SS: my optimism

Scrambled:  my sense of humor

Describe your fondest childhood memory.

SS: My dad took my sister and I to the caves in Hanalei on the island of Kauai. In case you didn’t know, that’s where Puff the Magic Dragon lives. Ten year-olds love that $hit. “…and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Hanalei.”

Scrambled:  I have so many.  I had a pretty awesome childhood.  Great parents (still together, 43 years later), a good sister, a good life.  We grew up going to a summer/weekend lake house – so waterskiing, swimming and taking friends there was just an every weekend activity for us.

Tell me about your first car.

SS: Beater. Bought it in a mall parking lot for $1000. 1989 Nissan Sentra. My sister got it as a hand-me-down. Poor girl.

Scrambled:  I turned 16 in 1991.  My first car was a 1987 Blue Chevy Cavalier.  Two door.  I bought it with money I’d saved from babysitting for 4 years.  I didn’t pick it out.  My parents literally took my money out of my bank account a month before my 16th birthday, went to the car lot WITHOUT ME, and bought my car – with MY money.  And then I continued to make payments on that car until I went to college.  They graciously paid the insurance J

Who inspires you and why?

SS: My mother. She is resilient, hard-working, youthful, funny, loving, and a peace maker. She brags about me sometimes, too, so that’s nice. I guess all moms do though. Haha!

Scrambled:  My mom.  She is tough as nails and fragile as glass all in one.  She had only a high-school education and aspired to be so much more.  Her commitment to adult education, career and family and her ability to balance it all showed me that I could be an awesome mom, but not just a mom.

Tell me the most recent joke you’ve heard that was really funny.

SS: I guess it’s more of a funny line, but whatever. “Halloween is all about being something you’re not, so that’s why most girls go as ‘sexy’.” Cracked me up!

Scrambled:  It’s really really dirty… I’ll think about telling you later J  But it had to do with oral sex and a grandma.  You’re welcome.

What do you want others to remember you by?

SS: Making their day/life/situation a little better.

Scrambled:  Making them smile/laugh amidst their struggles.

Which question above do you wish I hadn’t asked?

SS: Childhood memory. My parents divorced when I was young, so it’s hard to define just one part of the two different lives I experienced.

Scrambled:  Don’t have one… they were all good. J

What question didn’t I ask you wish I had?

SS and Scrambled: Most embarrassing moment. Too bad for you 😉 haha!

Do you think I made up the last two questions because I ran out of questions?

SS and Scrambled:  Well, of course not. (code for YES)

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Questions from: Mybrokenoven

What is the one thing (not person) you can’t live without?

SS: Tank tops. I wear one everyday no matter what.

Scrambled:  my phone.  And mascara.

What is the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?

SS: Watch trashy shows in bed after my husband falls asleep. The Housewives, Kardashians, 90210, etc. Gotta get my girly fix. I’m also a closet midnight eater. My nightstand often looks like a crime scene at a 7-11.

Scrambled:  Watch TV in bed with my hubby, or if he falls asleep, I switch it to Friends and play Words with Friends on my iPad.

What is your best trait?

SS: Positive outlook/optimism

Scrambled:  Ability to counsel folks, and my sense of humor.

When was the last time you laughed, and what made you do it?

SS: Good laugh? Two nights ago I spent hours watching this hilarious couple on YouTube prank each other. Prank V. Prank is their channel. I’m now convinced this is my calling, but I giggle far too much to pull off a prank.

Scrambled:  Last night, when I was explaining my depression and frustration about infertility to a friend and how “hopeless” I feel.  She said, “You need to find a counselor to talk to.”  And I replied, “I tried.  She won’t call me back.”  – and the irony of that cracked us both up that we laughed til tears were rolling.

What was your worst year of school and why?

SS: Hmmm. Tough one. I’m going to be less specific and say middle school. It was such an awkward time. So many changes emotionally, physically, and socially. I can imagine it’s only worse nowadays.

Scrambled:  Eesh.  That is tough.  Jr. High was rough for me.  Bad teeth, bad glasses, bad hair.  Ugh.  Stop talking about it

What was the last dream you had that you remember?

SS: I can’t remember but it probably involved my teeth falling out and/or being naked from the waist down. Pretty standard for me (in dreams!) I did have a dream a few nights ago about my little sister giving birth to a baby girl, but just the head. I was awesome taking care of her and had no problem screwing her head onto a plastic body so she looked normal. WTF? And she could talk from day one. Pretty impressive for a body-less baby.

Scrambled:  It involved Brad and Angelina – because of our Inappropriate Elf.  In my dream, I may or may not have been the nanny.  Don’t judge me.

What were you for Halloween (the last time you dressed up)?

SS: A pirate. Yes, cliche. I know. And yes, a slutty one. ~shame~

Scrambled:  Sookie Stackhouse from True Blood.

If you could live anywhere where would it be?

SS: 6 months or less: Las Vegas. Forever: Somewhere Figi-ish as long as my husband and future children could be happy and successful there too.

Scrambled:  6 months or less:  Hawaii.  Forever?  NC.  I love it here.

Have you ever felt an earthquake?

SS: Oh yeah, plenty. I grew up in Southern California. Earthquake drills were as common as fire drills.

Scrambled:  Yes – once.  And I live in NC, so we were all “WTF was that?!”

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Questions from: Erin

What is your absolute favorite meal? What makes it so great?

SS: Frozen burritos or quesadillas and Texas Pete. Like half a bottle of Texas Pete!

Scrambled:   Depends on the day.  If I’m sick/under the weather?  Homemade chicken pastry (chicken and dumplings for all you yankees out there).  Otherwise, just call me Bubba Gump.  Shrimp.  Shrimp.  Shrimp.   I love pasta in cream sauce or olive oil with grilled shrimp.  I love fried shrimp and tartar sauce.  I love shrimp po’boys.  Shrimp kebabs.  Shrimp and grits.  Ohhhhh.  Shrimp and grits.  Be right back.

Do you have any funny nicknames for your significant other? Past significant others?

SS: Not that I can think of. Just the boring, “babe.” Now, I want to come up with one though!

Scrambled:  No.  I call him “Hun” or “babe” a lot.  He doesn’t call me anything – which bugs the hell out of me (in case he’s reading this – ahem).  I love pet names.  They just show that you mean something to somebody.  Anyone can call me “Shannon” (hey – there you go – I just came out of anonymity!  But when you really know someone you have a nickname for them.  All my friends call me “Sha” (pronounced Shay) – and have since college.  I had an old boyfriend who used to call me Pookie.  I used to love it – now it sounds really dumb.  😀

What are your pet peeves? (We all have them…)

SS: Chewing with your mouth open, one-upping, and too many self-portraits on Facebook.

Scrambled:  People who use “I” when “Me” is correct (simply because they want to sound smart).  Correct:  He and I went to high school in North Carolina.   Incorrect:  Please send the email to him and I.   If you remove the “Him” that sentence sounds stupid:  Please send the email to I.  That’s how you know “me” is appropriate.  You’re welcome.

Do you have any funny stories? Name one that sticks out. (Whether about yourself or someone you know)

SS: Years ago DH and I were getting ready for bed and my phone chimed. He grabbed it playfully and said, “Who the hell is ev-int-rem-in-dur?!” I had no idea who that was so I grabbed my phone only to see “Event Reminder: (Someone’s) Birthday” on my screen. It was pretty funny and we still laugh about it to this day. Quick witted guy!

Scrambled:  I have too many to name.  Like the time I flew out of the side of a golf cart and slid down an entire green on my stomach (and face).   Or more recently – when I POAS so many times that a used HPT internet cheapie strip ended up in Sunnyside’s Christmas gift bag and she found it in the bottom of the bag when she got home.

How did you and your partner meet?

SS: We were both really into poker and gambling and had a mutual friend who invited both of us out for a casino cruise. It was the first time we met, I asked for his number, and the rest is history. That was almost seven years ago…geez!

Scrambled:  Online.  By accident.  I was helping a friend set up a Match.com account and saw his profile and snagged him for myself.   My hubby had just moved to the area, was painfully shy and not a club go-er.  He had a profile online but until then hadn’t dated anyone he’d talked to.  🙂

What is your biggest fear?

SS: Failure. I sometimes find myself not trying as hard as I should so I can fall back on “Well, I could’ve done more. It wasn’t a true failure.” Awful trait.

Scrambled:  Getting old.  I’m obsessed with aging.  I look at old movies with actors who were so young, like we are now.  And think, “Wow.. I wonder if they ever thought they’d look like THIS now?” and I wonder what my husband and I will look like when we’re 65.   On a less intense level – I hate eating alone in public.  It makes me anxious.  If I know I have to do it, I’ll bring a book, computer, iPad, phone or something so it looks like I’m insanely busy and important – and not eating alone.

What is your greatest accomplishment?

SS: I’m pretty proud of my degree and the things I accomplished in college (Sports, academics, leadership, etc.) Most recently, I’m proud of taking a risk and giving up my good-paying job to start my own company.

Scrambled:  My 4-year-old son.  He’s the best part of me.  He’s funny, smart, courteous, sweet, curious.  He’s the best thing I’ve ever done.  Professionally, I’m proud of my career.  I work at the best company in the world (literally – just named) and am in charge of corporate communications to tell its story.  I’m proud of everything I do here.

What is one thing that always makes you happy when you are in a miserable mood?

SS: Upbeat music, a kiss or cuddle from the pups, a surprise phone call from a friend, or watching/listening to something comedic.

Scrambled:  90s country music.  boy bands.  a sweet note from a friend.  something funny out of my kiddo’s mouth.

In high school, what clique were you in? Do you feel if you were back there now you would be in that same clique?

SS: I pretty much only hung out with the cross country and track team members, a few close girlfriends, and my long-term boyfriend. I was not in the “cool crowd,” but I wasn’t completely ostracized either. I came out of my shell in college, so I think if I were to go back now, things would be different. I’m not scared and shy anymore. That being said, I’ll pass on going back 🙂

Scrambled:  I was in every clique.  I was in all the advanced placement classes, so I was friends with the nerds.   I played softball and went to all the football games, so I was friends with the athletes, cheerleaders, etc.  I was in a lot of social clubs, so I was friends with the popular kids.  I was on student council committees, homecoming committees, etc., so my friends spanned all groups.  And I am pretty proud of that – that I never flocked to one or alienated another.

What is your New Years Resolution?

SS: Stop letting TTC rule my life, start running again, and consider others and their feelings more often.

Scrambled:  What she said 😉    Plus, lose some weight.  Focus on my marriage and not just TTC.

liebster blog award 200 followers

Our Nominations: 

Expecting to be Expecting (expectingtobeexpecting.wordpress.com)
Fill My Nest (fillmynest.wordpress.com)
Will Work 4 Baby (willwork4baby.wordpress.com)
I Want Does Not Get (iwantdoesnotget.wordpress.com)
Yet Another Bitter Infertile (yetanotherbitterinfertile.wordpress.com)
All the Sun for You (allthesunforyou.wordpress.com)
Barren and Unemployed (barrenandunemployed.wordpress.com)
Today I Bought Waterproof Mascara (todayiboughtwaterproofmascara.wordpress.com)
Late for a Very Important Pregnancy (lateforaveryimportantpregnancy.wordpress.com) Conception’s Bitch (conceptionsbitch.wordpress.com)          

Please check out these wonderful, entertaining blogs! 🙂                                                      

Our Questions: 

1. What was your worst job and why?
2. What do you notice first when meeting someone?
3. What is your favorite condiment? What do you put it on?
4. What’s your favorite sexual position?
5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
6. What was your worst idea ever? Did you act on it?
7. What do you most often forget to do that you should do?
8. What is your favorite movie quote?
9. Where was the worst placed you visited? What made it so bad?
10. Do you poop while talking on the phone?
11. What is your personal mantra?
Bonus Question: Do you own pajama jeans? If so, where do you where them?

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Infertile/Struggling to Conceive & Engaged?!

If you are struggling to conceive and you’re engaged to be married, please let us know! We may have quite the treat for you 🙂

You can send us an email at TOOGOODEGGS@gmail.com or private message us on twitter. We will have more details if we can find enough couples to participate. Just let us know how long you’ve been trying to conceive and your wedding date, if you’ve set one. We’ll take it from there! 🙂

We always have a few tricks up our sleeves. And for those of you who are already married, do you know of any couples you might want to nominate?

The two of us have some great things in store for ALL of you in the coming months!

everyone married pregnant someecard

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Book Review: “Love and Infertility: Survival strategies for balancing infertility, marriage and life”

I recently provided a few infertility support resources that were made available to me through my company’s awesome work/life center and promised you a review of a couple of the books.

This weekend, I cracked open the first one.  I have admittedly become smitten with the e-reader craze.  I had no real allegiance to turning the pages of a book – words are words to me, generally speaking.  I haven’t read a real “book” in at least two years.  But, the first book:  “Love and Infertility:  Survival strategies for balancing infertility, marriage and life” came to me free from my company’s library, so I reluctantly reverted back to doing it old school.   Quickly, I became engrossed in holding my finger in between pages that resonated with me.  I tapped my fingers on the back of the book as I read.  I was… comforted… to be reading a real book.

Then it hit me.  This book was like me.

A little old.  A little used.  A little less than perfect.  Slightly cracked and bent.  Not quite broken.

book2

With my Kindle, I tend to skim pages faster; skip ahead a little.  As a writer and English major, I am often guilty of skipping ahead and skimming because I can surmise the plot direction without having to invest in every word.  I realized as I read this old-ish book that I was taking my time, slowly turning the pages and reading every word.

I’m not as young as I used to be.  My pages are dog-eared and they don’t turn as quickly.  Maybe I need to stop pressing “next page” on this TTC journey and concentrate on each page a little longer.

Hmmmm.

Ok – so onto the review.

This book?  Awesome.  For me, anyway.  It was the perfect balance of humor, relate-ability, common sense and faith.  I didn’t want a “Let Go and Let God” devotional.  I didn’t want a book full of sad stories to let me know how “it could always be worse.”  I needed something more.  Kristen Magnacca gave me exactly what I needed.

You see, I have felt myself pulling away from life.  I felt as though I was forcing myself to be unhappy, disappointed and sad.  I pulled away from intimacy with my husband – unless, of course, it was Day 16-20 of my cycle.  TTC was not about intimacy at all.  It had become methodical and scientific.  And, as such, any time sex was presented during non-optimal baby-making time, it was a turn off.  Because it just came wrapped in a blanket of anxiety and doubt.  I let myself go – all I cared about was getting pregnant.  I became unhappy with my appearance, my attitude.  Then, I became self-conscious that I was unattractive (inside and out) to my husband, which in turn led me to push non-essential sex away.  I found myself in a downward spiral.

I have been yearning for a way to feel happy.  Allow myself to feel happy.  Remind myself why I love my husband (and not just his sperm).  Remind myself why I was loveable.

In a matter of two hours, this book helped me find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Written from the perspective of a woman who struggled for 10 years to have her 2 children, this book quickly showed me that a) I’m not alone; b) it’s ok to get angry; c) I need to focus on ME, as well as my marriage.  AND – I read it in two hours.  Without putting it down.

Each chapter ends in an exercise you can do alone or with your partner.  It’s not deep breathing or meditation.  It’s writing things down and holding yourself accountable.  And, the kicker:  My husband agreed to read it and do these exercises with me.

From the inside flap of the book:

How can you balance life, your marriage and the process of creating your family?When trying to create a family, a couple’s normal life can be immediately and radically changed. Overwhelming feelings of confusion, hopelessness, and loss of control can leave couples working to overcome infertility unable to communicate with each other or proceed calmly with their daily lives. The effort to create a baby overrides all other activities, and after a while, making love can turn into making work!

Love and Infertility provides a lifeline for couples struggling with infertility. Author Kristen Magnacca shares twenty-eight simple yet powerful strategies to help couples open lines of communication, maintain a sense of control over their lives, and help them deal with the changes they’ll face while working to become parents.

Divided into three sections—Creating Your Destiny, Communicating as One, and Rolling with the Changes—Love and Infertility offers insight and direction to help couples navigate the swamp of infertility. Kristen introduces each strategy with a true experience from her own long struggle with infertility and then provides a step-by-step system to implement the recommendation into daily life.

In Love and Infertility, you’ll find:

  • Twenty-eight effective strategies that correspond to the average twenty-eight day fertility cycle
  • Useful tips for couples in all stages of conceiving—from those just starting out to those who have been trying for years
  • Interactive exercises for men, for women, and for both partners together: goals lists, talking points, “red-flag” phrases, and the patented “Elevator Speech” to rescue you from any situation

Though this time of your life may be emotional and strenuous, Kristen’s words of wisdom can help you regain control of your life, your marriage, and your happiness. You don’t have to go through this alone!

Early in the book, she challenges the reader to write down 3-5 dreams they want to accomplish in the next year.  Write it on a colorful index card and keep it with you all the time – in your planner, your wallet, whatever.  Ask your husband to do the same.  Help each other fulfill those dreams.

I think mine are going to be:

  1. Lose 20 lbs.
  2. Be pregnant before I’m 39.
  3. Take a photography class.

It’s ok if one of them says “Get Pregnant.”  Because one of the other chapters talks about the power of positive thinking.  For 17 months, we’ve been “trying” to have a baby.  “Trying” sets you up for “failing” – whereas, “planning” sets you up for achieving.  Subtle difference in writing – but a big difference to your subconscious.

This book gives funny anecdotes about not being able to face another round of questions regarding your baby making plans, or another pregnant belly, but quickly follows up with smart ways to escape those situations (and give your partner signals that you need to escape).  It provides easy ways to rekindle the spark with your spouse and remember why you want a family with them in the first place.

For me, it just gave me hope.  And renewed faith in the process.  Something I haven’t felt in a year.

This book isn’t rocket science.  You’re not going to find the crazy secret post-sex position you haven’t heard of before, or a new way to check cervical fluid.  You’re going to find real ways to cope with your baby-making struggles, while  finding yourself and renewing the strength of your marriage in the process.  Oh, and yeah, God is in there a time or two.  But, for me, it was just the right amount.

Which brings me to the other book I was going to read:  “When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden.”

After reading “Love & Infertility” in two hours, I picked up “When Empty Arms” and immediately felt annoyed and disinterested.  This book was stuffy, laden with spiritual references and had an immediate sense of “Poor You!  Poor, poor you!”

I put it down after two pages and won’t be going back to it.  It may be helpful to some; but for me, I have been sad long enough.  I needed something to help me focus on what matters.

Kristen’s “Love and Infertility” got me out of my elastic-waist pants and actually motivated me to shave my legs.

Now THAT is a miracle.

//

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We’re so Egg-cited to announce our giveaway winners!

We have exceeded 100 followers and, as promised, we have drawn names for another giveaway. Thank you all for following us!

And the winners are: Jessielou and Megan!

We will contact you for shipping information 🙂  Can’t wait to send you a little something special!

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The Childfree Buy Baby Stuff, Too! Keekoo Review

First of all, let me preface this review. I understand this is a trying to conceive blog, but I can’t possibly be the only woman out there who buys baby stuff before she’s expecting. If you’re like me (someone please say yes) then you might feel a little embarrassed about your premature purchases. You may buy things under the guise of “gifts for my friend” or stash the goodies in the back of your guest room closet, onesies and swaddling blankets hiding in the darkness. That’s okay. You’re not alone. I’ve accumulated enough to make me second guess the need for a baby shower in the future. Seriously.

Walking through the baby aisles is slightly uncomfortable sans bump or baby on hip, but online shopping is discreet and just as rewarding. Enter Keekoo.


Keekoo is a specialty online boutique that offers unique maternity and newborn products up to 80% off from a wide variety of companies. On any given day, a handful of companies are featured offering a selection of limited quantity items at drastically reduced rates, but only for a few days and then the opportunities disappear. You’ve got to act quickly, and if you do you’ll likely be the only person you know with that product. What I love so much about this site is that I cannot find things of this quality, value, or uniqueness anywhere else.

If you aren’t the type to buy early for yourself, consider Keekoo for great gifts. You will be able to find something thoughtful without having to step foot in a baby store, saving yourself from those discouraging feelings. And you won’t have to worry about the recipient having to return your gift because she got three others just like it. Piece of cake! Keekoo gifts make all those showers and pregnancy announcements a little less painful. One note regarding gifts, buy early. Sometimes shipping can take a few weeks, but Keekoo has addressed this and it has improved greatly.

Here are some of the items I’ve purchased since their launch earlier this year:

Ocean Lily Maternity Jeans, Paid $26.99 (I want to wear these now!)


Udder Covers Porter Breastfeeding Cover & Gift Set, Paid $19.99 (Beautiful, useful set) 


Hot Milk Shimmer Angel Wing Camisole, Paid $32.99 (Worth every penny. Gorgeous!)


Pretty Pushers “I dream of sushi” Birthing Gown, Paid $14.99 (Pretty darn sexy and super soft)


LilleBaby Eurotote, Paid $29.99 (This carrier is awesome and multipurpose) 

I was pleasantly surprised with the quality given the low prices I paid. This stuff is nice! Keekoo does a great job choosing top-notch companies and products to feature on their site. I always look forward to what will become available next. Shhh. DH doesn’t need to know I keep such close tabs on them 😉

The keys to Keekoo success are:
1. Register on their website. It’s free and takes only a second. Register Here

2. Check emails and Facebook regularly for new featured companies, coupon codes, and freebies

3. Buy quickly (items sell out in a hurry and only remain in your cart for 15 minutes)

4. Refer friends ($10 bonus for each one!)

 Check Out Keekoo now! and let us know what you find 🙂 Happy Shopping!

 

And just for fun, here’s a picture of my guest room closet:

All of those bins are full of baby and maternity stuff. That’s just half of the closet…I think it’s fair to say I’m pretty well stocked. And obsessed. ~Sigh~ There’s nothing wrong with a little retail therapy to prepare us for our futures as mothers. XO!

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Another giveaway when we reach 100 blog followers!

We are over-whelmed at how quickly we have gained so many new friends with this blog!

When we hit 100 blog followers, we will randomly draw TWO names for a small giveaway!

Tell a friend!  Help us hit 100 and you could be a winner!

Be sure to follow us on Twitter for a way to win a prize there, too!

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