30 is the new 20? 40 is the new 30? Only if you’re not TTC. Or watching MTV.

Bill Cosby once said, “Old is always 15 years from now.”  So true.   I’m 37; and, I guess I probably at some point thought that was old.  But now that I’m there, I truly don’t feel old.  I don’t act old.  And, I surely don’t look old.  In fact, I’m regularly carded for alcohol (and yes, I regularly buy alcohol).   At work, many people initially think I’m right out of college, until my product and professionalism proves otherwise.  With each birthday, I never considered myself to be “getting old.”

Until we started TTC.

When I got pregnant with my son in 2007, I’d get pity eyes whenever I revealed my age.  Some people had the audacity to say, “Wow, 32?  Good thing you’re not waiting any longer.”  Yeah, what with my eggs rotting every single day.  Phew.  Just barely squeezed in under the wire there.

Now that I’m 37, I’m doomed.  Clearly, the world thinks that is too old to be considering pregnancy. Any age beyond 35 makes pregnancy inconceivable.  Now, people don’t even ask; they just assume I’m not having any more children, solely based on my age.

Doctors warn of the dangers of getting pregnant past the age of 35.  Genetic abnormalities increase once you are of “advanced maternal age” (Now, you KNOW some old ass man came up with that term.  No intelligent woman remotely in tune with her body would have coined that phrase. I digress.)  Egg quality lowers once you are of advanced maternal age.  Egg count decreases once you are of advanced maternal age.   Infertility issues in general are more prevalent when you are of advanced maternal age.

As a result of all the scary statistics doctors are required to share with you once you hit that advanced maternal age, women often feel compelled to keep their struggles to themselves.  Because mentioning infertility is a topic that begs pity glances from friends bouncing two healthy babies on their knees while using their free hand to give you a quick “there-there” pat, followed by a recommendation that “maybe you should just adopt,” or “be happy with your life as it is.”  Subsequently, infertility becomes a taboo topic, simply to avoid conversations like that.

Sometimes it feels like no one gets it.    So, Imagine my DELIGHT when I saw Khloe Kardashian on Good Morning America talking about her infertility struggles!  I am so proud of her for bravely putting a face to the infertility struggle and helping the uninformed better understand!

I took to Twitter to personally thank her for doing so, when I saw what I thought was another glimmer of hope.  MTV’s “True Life” series is working on a show documenting infertility struggles!   Immediately, I clicked the link for information.

Scroll, scroll, scroll, details, details, how long have we been trying, yada yada, have I been diagnosed with infertility issues, blah blah, blah, are you taking any medications, good, good, ok, how…old…are…you…  CLOSE.BROWSER.  Bitchass.

Apparently I’m even too old to talk about my infertility struggles.  But this should not surprise me coming from the network that glorifies teen pregnancy from drug-abusing, law-breaking mothers.  Not that I’m judgmental.

MTV’s criteria?   If you appear to be the ages of 18-29 and you’ve been struggling with fertility issues, please email us.

Problem 1 – please, let’s continue to glorify teen pregnancy and the blissful ignorance that accompanies youth.  Let’s highlight the struggles of young women to get pregnant amidst re-runs showcasing the many teenagers everywhere are getting knocked up, some of them repeatedly.  Why?  So we can remind the teens who got knocked up accidentally how lucky they are to have a baby, because there’s a slightly older girl down the street who can’t get pregnant?

Please don’t misunderstand  — I’m not saying that all 20-somethings are ignorant or unwed mothers. I know that many of them are very likely married, and struggling with PCOS or other fertility-affecting issues that prevent them from starting their much-wanted family.  I’m merely pointing out how much you learn about yourself and your body as you do get older.  I, for one,  didn’t know jack about my body or my ovulation cycle until I was 30.  So, I’m sure (and hope) there are some women in MTVs preferred age group who could address some of their concerns by using the Fertility Awareness Method to learn more about their bodies and better understand their fertility, rather than only feeling hopeless. 

BIGGER Problem 2 – If you APPEAR to be the ages of 18-29.  Appear to be?  So, technically I could apply for this and try to help people through the telling of my story.  But off the bat, they’d be asking me to lie about my age.

For a fleeting moment, I thought maybe my story would benefit someone like me and help them deal with their own struggles.  Then I realized that MTV is not the right forum for that.  Not because I’m not their target demographic, but because of how they do business.

Khloe – you might luck out… you’re just under their cut-off.  But, I don’t get the impression you’d want to tell your story there, either.  You’re better than that.

So, MTV is officially out of my channel surfing rotation.  And maybe I’ll check in with Khloe a little more often.  Us old chicks have to stick together.

---